In one thought I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. There are moments where this seems just beyond yesterday and at other times it seems much longer. Time sure is a funny thing.
My moments of sorrow and mourning are few and far between now. We went through all the first's without her now. I missed her on my birthday, Halloween, Christmas, the warm months outside, the cold nights cuddled on the couch, Saturday morning coffee and so on.
I fill my thoughts with all the fun we had in our near 12 year journey. For a man and his cat we had plenty. I never liked to leave her for very long. Angie had quite the battle with me to get me to leave the house for more than 1 or 2 nights. So many stories.
I will be forever grateful for the bond we had, the life we shared and I never will forget her for as long as I live.
Today was bizarre as expected. I avoided the Facebook "On This Day" memories because if anything was going to gut me and bring me to a tear or two, that surely would be it. I know the words of my post about her passing. I can think of the comments from so many family and friends about this moment. Everyone knew about our bond and loved or at the very least respected it if they weren't exactly a cat lover.
But even with my avoidance of that app on Facebook, my thoughts to that last morning together played out in my head. I had spent the night on the couch with her. We had one last big long snuggle and sleep watching a dvd like we did countless nights. She was so ill and toxic with her organs failing, we could easily see things were on the fuzzy side for her now. Yet she'd break through that cloud and as I showered early that morning, she ended up joining me in the bathroom like she always did. She got out of her bed in my housecoat and walked downstairs full of grace and happiness to be with me in one of our routines.
We had one last coffee together.
So many hugs and pats.
I never cried. I kept myself together for her. Who knows how many times I told her I loved her, that she was the best girl in the whole world. I saved the outburst of tears after it was done. I'm sure she sensed all my emotions but I did my absolute best to conceal any signs of sadness which in this moment for me I would consider weakness. I am her daddy, I had to be strong for her. I cared and protected her all her life, I was not going to buckle now.
I had a chilling moment at 8:15am as I know this was about the time she went to sleep in my arms. I made a coffee, threw a little Bailey's in it and toasted her with a straight shot. I could have done 40 Creek but my stomach just wasn't ready for it.
Today begins year two. In some ways a new life now as we've gone one year of 'everything in a year' without her.
She's been on all my pages... Facebook, Twitter, this blog cover photo for one solid year now. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed or not, she's always been visible to the world for the last 365 days. Profile pics or cover shots, she's been there gracing us with her beauty and memory. Perhaps moving forward this will change? I guess it's silly to some but I just couldn't take her down like that. Not yet. I am not filled with sadness as I look at her photos, well not all of them anyway. Life is not meant to be filled with sadness, even as we lose the ones we love. Most would rather be remembered for the great things in their lives, the wonderful memories and nothing but the happiness. Even our pets I am sure would rather be remembered for the joy they brought us.
If you happen to catch this blog, maybe you were one of Meadow's "fans" the last number of years, and can remember a funny photo or moment I have shared. Maybe think about your own "fur kids" and love them a little more after this and for the rest of their days. It sure stinks that they don't live as long as most of us humans do.
I will think more of Meadow today than any other day this year. I love you sweet girl. I am happy I made sure you knew it always.
On a sorta side note, Angie is participating in a Bowl-a-thon with the Toronto Cat Rescue in 2 weeks. It's a charity event to raise money for TCR and all the cats they help through the year. A small donation really does go a long way here. Angie is bowling in memory of Meadow... https://www.canadahelps.org/en/charities/toronto-cat-rescue/bowlathon/team/teamofindividuals1/member/angieintogmailcom/
If anyone who is not familiar with Meadow, here are some blog links and a couple last photos...
The gutting end blog... http://robandtheanimals.blogspot.ca/2015/04/meadow-my-angel.html
As I healed... http://robandtheanimals.blogspot.ca/2015/04/healing.html
She loved her yard, and the Squirrels. As for other cats coming in... no way!
Did you know how spoiled of a Princess she was?
Did you know how much she loved to lay out in the sun and feel the warm rays?
Did you know how much she loved flowers? Always a reminder for us to stop and smell them once in a while, embrace those beautiful moments.
And she loved to have fun...
Making the bed was always a blast!
Late nights on Whisky Wednesday with me. It was all good, no matter what we did.
Thanks for stopping in. As always I appreciate the time you take out to read my blog(s).
Cheers!
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